I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
