you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
