Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
