i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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