There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
