I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And then he peed in my hair
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