You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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