Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
