we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
