Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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