please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
