He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
