just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
