Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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