Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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