Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
