Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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