She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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