I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
