An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
