It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dear god my vagina.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
