Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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