At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
