If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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