i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
