Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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