booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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