I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
