Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
