I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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