you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
