Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
