what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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