I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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