@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
