She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
