that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I deserve this hangover.
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