Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
