If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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