I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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