return my video game
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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