goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
