I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
