How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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