I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
