I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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