Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
