My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
