we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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