I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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