it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
