dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
