Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
