Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
