This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
