oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
