Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
