let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
