note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
