Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
