party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize