soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
