Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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