I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize