I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
