I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
