well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
