so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We got so high we made milksteak
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
