So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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