dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
