i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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